It Hurts

It hurts. It still hurts. It gets worse day by day- the crying, the pure sadness, the jealousy and the hate.

I feel a little relief when I'm with someone else or not alone. However, sometimes just being with someone isn't enough. I have to speak to them. It hurts more when I'm not distracted.

My brothers should never have to go through this.

They should never let their walls down like I did. They should never get comfortable with anyone. They should never trust people- because as soon as they begin to feel for someone they will just end up like me. Broken, sad, alone and angry.

Why hasn't the pain subsided yet? Why is it that life gets harder and harder when it should be getting easier and easier? I don't want to be anywhere near him anymore. I don't want to see him because doing so is apparently resulting in me feeling like shit.

I'm so tired. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. Just incredibly exhausted.

So far, every night I lie awake and think about him. Sometimes I pretend like we're still together. Like we've been going strong for months and that everything was okay. Other times I think back and question myself. If I had done things differently, would we still be together?

I do not want to feel this way anymore.