Insecurity

I'm that 10 year old little girl who would lock herself in her bathroom everyday to pull up her shirt and reveal her stomach, only to see if any progress was made. To see if anything has changed, to point out her flaws, to tell herself that she'll be beautiful if she looked like this or lost that or whatever.

I'm that 11 year old little girl who was told to suck her stomach in and watch what she ate.

I'm that 12 year old little girl who would look down at her lap during class and notice that her thighs were 3 times as big as the girl next to her's thighs. That little girl that would hope and pray that no one would walk by and notice the difference she noticed every single day.

I'm that 13 year old little girl who would rehearse the negative comments she received in her head and hope that they would somehow accumulate and change the way she looked- that maybe her body finally realized what was causing it so much stress, and just randomly learned how to change the problem so that the stress would go away.

I'm that 14 year old little girl who was too scared to step on the scale, because the reality of it was all too much.

I'm that 15 year old little girl who stands in front of people every day, and can only think of one thing: How does she look? Is her pimple covered up enough? Can you see her love handles? Maybe if  she was skinner she'd be prettier.

I'm that 28 year old mother who watches her daughter grow up and explore the world while she hopes and prays that her child will not suffer with the same thing.

I'm that 36 year old woman and mother of 3 who'll never be confident enough to say she's beautiful.

All because people never took into consideration what it means to insult a child. All because people never learned that I was impressionable. All because I was "hard to look at." All because I had extra fat here and there. All because I was born with sensitive, acne prone skin. All because I am human but am also expected to not be less than perfect.

Words can hurt and I cannot wait until the day people realize that.