Hello future me!
I'm going to be updating you on a little thing thats been consuming my life in it's entirety.
Danny and I had our first real fight.
I don't exactly want to share what it was about, or the things we told each other, but lets just say he disrespected me horribly.
I was so angry and upset towards him that my palms and my face began to sweat. My hands shook so much that I could hardly control them.
My crush for him has completely vanished. (It wasn't really a crush to begin with, I just thought he was very handsome.)
I have no romantic interest in him whatsoever, but over the weeks I have been developing one for someone in real life.
His name is Alex. He is just a year older than me, has a deep voice, he is tall, sarcastic, funny, and has the same interests I do.
He seems like the perfect guy for me, and not only is Squitchy trying to get me together with him, but so is his sister.
I really like this guy, and I'm dying to get to know him better.
Whenever I think about him I get butterflies in my stomach, and I have been growing such a longing to see him during the week, because we can only see each other fridays.
He says stuff when he's texting like, "Lmao" and just typing that made my stomach flutter.
February 7, 2015
January 19, 2015
Conflict
Hello future me!
Cami and I decided to mess around with Sam and Danny, and we told them we would block them forever and never speak to them again. In reality Cami and I both had to log off for a a couple of hours, and we would tell them it was a joke when we got back.
We did as we told each other we would, and played the prank on the boys, except things didn't exactly go as planned for me.
When I got back Cami told me how they had been spamming and asking her for forgiveness the whole time she was playing the prank. I went to check if they had done the same for me, and realized that I had no messages from them about anything- besides 3 messages from Sam that were actually meant for Cami.
And then I started to wonder, do they care for her more than me? What am I doing wrong? What do I change about myself to make them care for me? Should I show them my face? Would that make them like me?
I thought all these questions, things I should do to MYSELF, as if I am the issue in this situation.
But then again, she has shown her face, and given more to them than I ever have.
I'm super confused on what I should do, and I am having a lot of conflict on which way is the right way.
My options put into short words:
Show them my face and feel like I have no respect for myself, but at the same time giving them something they have wanted forever, (And have gotten from Cami)
or,
Recognizing that they should love me besides any decision I make, and support me through it without a doubt.
Cami and I decided to mess around with Sam and Danny, and we told them we would block them forever and never speak to them again. In reality Cami and I both had to log off for a a couple of hours, and we would tell them it was a joke when we got back.
We did as we told each other we would, and played the prank on the boys, except things didn't exactly go as planned for me.
When I got back Cami told me how they had been spamming and asking her for forgiveness the whole time she was playing the prank. I went to check if they had done the same for me, and realized that I had no messages from them about anything- besides 3 messages from Sam that were actually meant for Cami.
And then I started to wonder, do they care for her more than me? What am I doing wrong? What do I change about myself to make them care for me? Should I show them my face? Would that make them like me?
I thought all these questions, things I should do to MYSELF, as if I am the issue in this situation.
But then again, she has shown her face, and given more to them than I ever have.
I'm super confused on what I should do, and I am having a lot of conflict on which way is the right way.
My options put into short words:
Show them my face and feel like I have no respect for myself, but at the same time giving them something they have wanted forever, (And have gotten from Cami)
or,
Recognizing that they should love me besides any decision I make, and support me through it without a doubt.
January 14, 2015
To Defend Or Not To Defend
Hello future me!
Today I'm going to write another journal/diary type post.
In the begging of this school year, two new kids, both a girl and a boy, joined my school.
The girl- who for the sake of anonymity I will call Squitchy- became my best friend really quickly. We had so much in common, and we loved/love talking to each other.
The boy, who's name is Joey, was a total jerk. He insulted anyone and everyone- especially my Squitchy.
He spreads rumors about her, gets his friends to talk bad about her to her face, and calls/texts her the most horrid names.
She told me that it's really been bothering her, but every time I mention telling an adult, she puts it off and convinces me not to... And this is where you guys come into play.
I want you to give me some advice. I am struggling to decide whether to just listen to what she's saying and not tell anyone, or tell an adult, and go against what she wants- even if it will get her mad at me.
I have considered telling Joey and his pathetic friends to screw off, but just because I don't want hate on her, doesn't mean I want it on me either. Believe me- Joey is a real handful. Glaring, gossip, rumors and ect. I don't want me telling him to screw off to make it worse for her.
Please leave a comment down below with your advice... I can really use it in this tricky situation I'm in.
Today I'm going to write another journal/diary type post.
In the begging of this school year, two new kids, both a girl and a boy, joined my school.
The girl- who for the sake of anonymity I will call Squitchy- became my best friend really quickly. We had so much in common, and we loved/love talking to each other.
The boy, who's name is Joey, was a total jerk. He insulted anyone and everyone- especially my Squitchy.
He spreads rumors about her, gets his friends to talk bad about her to her face, and calls/texts her the most horrid names.
She told me that it's really been bothering her, but every time I mention telling an adult, she puts it off and convinces me not to... And this is where you guys come into play.
I want you to give me some advice. I am struggling to decide whether to just listen to what she's saying and not tell anyone, or tell an adult, and go against what she wants- even if it will get her mad at me.
I have considered telling Joey and his pathetic friends to screw off, but just because I don't want hate on her, doesn't mean I want it on me either. Believe me- Joey is a real handful. Glaring, gossip, rumors and ect. I don't want me telling him to screw off to make it worse for her.
Please leave a comment down below with your advice... I can really use it in this tricky situation I'm in.
January 13, 2015
Q & A- Selenator's View
Hello future me!
Just a warning before I start the post, but today's a different one.
For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, I'll go into deeper detail for you.
I was nominated by a lovely blogger here to answer some questions for I assume you relators! I hope you guys enjoy reading these, and get to know a little bit more about me.
Thank you to Selenator'sView for these great questions! I had a lot of fun answering them.
Now onto the Q&A:
Just a warning before I start the post, but today's a different one.
For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, I'll go into deeper detail for you.
I was nominated by a lovely blogger here to answer some questions for I assume you relators! I hope you guys enjoy reading these, and get to know a little bit more about me.
Thank you to Selenator'sView for these great questions! I had a lot of fun answering them.
Now onto the Q&A:
1. What was your favorite film of 2014?
A- I actually am not a big fan of movies, and I don't watch many. Although if I had to pick the answer would be Divergent or The Giver- for sure!
2. Who is your favorite actress?
A- Same issue with the whole disliking movies scenario. Don't have one!
3. Do you belong to a fandom?
A- Totally part of the Divergent fandom! I'm in love with the series.
4. Who is your favourite Disney character?
A- Ariel or Belle. Ariel because she's independent and knows what she wants, and Belle because she loves books and has a very strong character.
5. Do you have any pets?
A- Yup! 5 of them!
6. Book or Film?
A- Books, duh.
7. On Demand or DVD?
A- On demand! DVD's always get all scratched up and require maintenance.
8. Do you have Twitter?
A- Yes I do! Here's my link: https://twitter.com/Girlonline34 I post quite frequently. Follow me!
9. Where is your ideal holiday destination?
A- I don't know really. I'm terrified of airplanes and get major anxiety when I just think about them... *Shiver*
10. How long have you been blogging?
A- Less then a month, but I'm really enjoying this so far. I plan on doing this for a really long time.
11. What was your favourite blog post to write?
A- A diary type one where I can just write things that happened to me, and how I feel about certain people. (Ex: My blog post called 'Bullies.')
Answer some of these on your own down below! I really enjoy hearing from you and reading your replies.
January 11, 2015
Insecurities
"My nose is too big. I wish it was smaller."
"My eyebrows are too sparse. I wish they were fuller."
"My lips are too thin. I wish they were plump."
"My eyes are too almond shaped. I wish they would tone it down a bit."
"My eyelashes are not long enough. I wish they were longer."
"My ears poke out too much. I wish they turned in more."
"My face is too long. I wish it was shorter."
"My shoulders are too broad for a girl. I wish they were more feminine."
"My arms are fat. I wish they were skinnier."
"My torso is too curvy. I wish I could straighten it."
"My hips are too wide. I wish they wouldn't be so big."
"My thighs are too big. I wish they were smaller."
"I could afford to loose weight. I wish I was skinny."
"My calves have such dry skin. I wish they were moisturized and smooth."
"My feet are too long and too wide. I wish they were a normal size."
These are some of the things I have to go through and think of daily.
"I'm never good enough.", I tell myself.
• • •
Society wants you to be perfect.
They want you to have flawless skin, perfectly long hair, the perfect amount of curves, and to be completely feminine. (If you're a girl, that is.)
Simply perfect.
I'm not going to tell you to screw what society thinks, because not only would I be a hypocrite, but it's hard to do. Nearly impossible.
Although, I will tell you not to be your worst bully.
Do not make the same mistakes as me, and constantly put yourself down because you do not feel like you are "enough."
You are beautiful.
Some one out there loves you to death, and that alone is enough.
You are worth so much to the world, and you are like a drop of water in an ocean. Without you, the ocean would not seem to have a big affect in it's outer appearance, but the ocean is not the same, and can never be the same.
Can never be as full and plentiful- or completely complete.
Can never be as full and plentiful- or completely complete.
Stay strong, my gorgeous relator- or whoever decides to read this- You are important.
January 5, 2015
Online Diary: Cami, Sam and... an extra someone?!
Hello future me!
This blog post is going to be focused on a couple of topics, but the main one being Cami and Sam.
I'm super excited to announce that I have spoken to them again, and it's as if our friendship was never on hold! As if those months meant NOTHING.
They welcomed me back into their lives quite quickly, and its refreshing to see how much they've grown and matured over my long break.
I left Cami a message on her social media wall telling her I missed her, and surprisingly she replied really quickly!
She told me how much she dreaded my absence and couldn't wait for Sam to see me.
Although I missed Sam a ton, I was almost too embarrassed to see him again. I felt he wouldn't accept me as quickly as Cami had, and that I would have to work for his trust again.
Sadly, I was right. He didn't accept me as quickly, but around day 2 of forcefully applying myself into his life, he agreed he'd wanted me to stay.
And here is where it gets exciting- they brought a new 'someone' into the equation. This someone is a boy whom knows Sam in real life.His name is Danny. He's shy and cute and blushes- I absolutely love him!
I've been forming a slight teeny weeenyyyy crush on Danny... But if you know me in real life, you know how much I hate getting crushes on people. It ALWAYS ends horribly for me.
But anyway, back to Danny.
Cami knows about my liking to Danny, and she does everything she can to make me feel awkward. (In a joking way, of course!) For example, let me quote you a conversation that happened just yesterday. (Btw, Sam does tease me as well - he just doesn't know about my lil crush.)
WARNING: DIRTY CONTENT AHEAD. BEWARE.
MAIN GROUP CHAT:
(Currently Sam is on google earth showing us random places around the world that he's been too.)
Sam: Hey look Danny, thats the same size as your D!
Me: OMG Sam stop
Cami: {My name} would know that. ;)
Me: IM GAGGING
Cami: On his D. ;)
Yup. That's Cami and Sam for you. Poor Danny is blushing up a storm during this conversation.
Anyway, on to another topic I wanted to write about on here.
Some of you may be wondering where my new years resolution post is, and what kind of things I want to accomplish this year...
Honestly, I have none. I don't really come up with new years resolutions because if I find something I dislike about myself, I don't want to wait until the next new years just to say that I can officially start changing my ways.
Therefor, I simply do not have a new year resolutions. But if you reallyyy want me to write some down for you, I'll do it. Here they are:
-Eat healthier
-Exercise more
-Spend less time on the internet
-Socialize more
Yup, pretty basic. I know.
This blog post is going to be focused on a couple of topics, but the main one being Cami and Sam.
I'm super excited to announce that I have spoken to them again, and it's as if our friendship was never on hold! As if those months meant NOTHING.
They welcomed me back into their lives quite quickly, and its refreshing to see how much they've grown and matured over my long break.
I left Cami a message on her social media wall telling her I missed her, and surprisingly she replied really quickly!
She told me how much she dreaded my absence and couldn't wait for Sam to see me.
Although I missed Sam a ton, I was almost too embarrassed to see him again. I felt he wouldn't accept me as quickly as Cami had, and that I would have to work for his trust again.
Sadly, I was right. He didn't accept me as quickly, but around day 2 of forcefully applying myself into his life, he agreed he'd wanted me to stay.
And here is where it gets exciting- they brought a new 'someone' into the equation. This someone is a boy whom knows Sam in real life.His name is Danny. He's shy and cute and blushes- I absolutely love him!
I've been forming a slight teeny weeenyyyy crush on Danny... But if you know me in real life, you know how much I hate getting crushes on people. It ALWAYS ends horribly for me.
But anyway, back to Danny.
Cami knows about my liking to Danny, and she does everything she can to make me feel awkward. (In a joking way, of course!) For example, let me quote you a conversation that happened just yesterday. (Btw, Sam does tease me as well - he just doesn't know about my lil crush.)
WARNING: DIRTY CONTENT AHEAD. BEWARE.
MAIN GROUP CHAT:
(Currently Sam is on google earth showing us random places around the world that he's been too.)
Sam: Hey look Danny, thats the same size as your D!
Me: OMG Sam stop
Cami: {My name} would know that. ;)
Me: IM GAGGING
Cami: On his D. ;)
Yup. That's Cami and Sam for you. Poor Danny is blushing up a storm during this conversation.
Anyway, on to another topic I wanted to write about on here.
Some of you may be wondering where my new years resolution post is, and what kind of things I want to accomplish this year...
Honestly, I have none. I don't really come up with new years resolutions because if I find something I dislike about myself, I don't want to wait until the next new years just to say that I can officially start changing my ways.
Therefor, I simply do not have a new year resolutions. But if you reallyyy want me to write some down for you, I'll do it. Here they are:
-Eat healthier
-Exercise more
-Spend less time on the internet
-Socialize more
Yup, pretty basic. I know.
December 31, 2014
Online Diary: Old Online Friends
(Update: I have already revealed their names, and instead of changing how I wrote this post I just want to tell you now that Dancer= Cami and Pro= Sam.)
Hello future me!
I'm going to write about something I've been dealing with and have been trying to sort out- but before I get started, I'd like to give you some back story on these people I'm going to be talking about.
I play/played a video game called MineCraft, and on that game I made these two VERY special friends. Lets call them Dancer(Girl) and Pro(Boy). All 3 of us formed a friendship that no one besides ourselves could break. We LOVED each other. We not only spoke on MineCraft, but we Skyped EVERY SINGLE DAY, and sometimes, we would do both at the same time! (Obliviously annoying anyone who wasn't in our Skype call!)
Long story short, things got rocky in our friendship, and then they were okay again. But then things got rocky again, and we resolved that too.
But then things got rocky... AGAIN... and I left them. They lied to me so many times, and I just couldn't take it anymore. So I did what I assume most people would do, and I left.
Here I am now wishing I hadn't left them. I've taken about a 4 month break and I want to become in contact with them again.
Although I SWORE to myself I'd never look at them or their username again, I'm sitting here in just complete regret.
I let the bad parts of our relationship get in the way of something that was complete bliss. When I say we loved each other, I really mean it. These two kids over the internet mean and meant so much to me and now that we've gone away, I want them to come back.
Dancer was just a couple months older than me and personality wise, she was like the baby of our friendship group. She was really silly and random and she brings joy WHERE EVER she goes.
Pro was the only boy we had in our alliance. He was british, as a matter of fact, and was one of a group triplets. (I'm talking about his ACTUAL real life siblings.) He brought the immature/inappropriate jokes into our lives, and boy, how I miss his dumb humor.
You might be wondering what my progress is so far on finding them. I'm currently playing on the same MineCraft servers we use to play on, and have re-added them on Skype.
I have not spoken to them at least a little bit, but I have left little messages to them here and there.
Other people I know over MC have told me that they saw them just last week, and I'm super excited to see if I can log in at the right time and see them.
Have you guys ever had a close friendship over the internet? Do you have any suggestions for me on getting back with them? Am I even doing the right thing looking for them?
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