Insecurity

I'm that 10 year old little girl who would lock herself in her bathroom everyday to pull up her shirt and reveal her stomach, only to see if any progress was made. To see if anything has changed, to point out her flaws, to tell herself that she'll be beautiful if she looked like this or lost that or whatever.

I'm that 11 year old little girl who was told to suck her stomach in and watch what she ate.

I'm that 12 year old little girl who would look down at her lap during class and notice that her thighs were 3 times as big as the girl next to her's thighs. That little girl that would hope and pray that no one would walk by and notice the difference she noticed every single day.

I'm that 13 year old little girl who would rehearse the negative comments she received in her head and hope that they would somehow accumulate and change the way she looked- that maybe her body finally realized what was causing it so much stress, and just randomly learned how to change the problem so that the stress would go away.

I'm that 14 year old little girl who was too scared to step on the scale, because the reality of it was all too much.

I'm that 15 year old little girl who stands in front of people every day, and can only think of one thing: How does she look? Is her pimple covered up enough? Can you see her love handles? Maybe if  she was skinner she'd be prettier.

I'm that 28 year old mother who watches her daughter grow up and explore the world while she hopes and prays that her child will not suffer with the same thing.

I'm that 36 year old woman and mother of 3 who'll never be confident enough to say she's beautiful.

All because people never took into consideration what it means to insult a child. All because people never learned that I was impressionable. All because I was "hard to look at." All because I had extra fat here and there. All because I was born with sensitive, acne prone skin. All because I am human but am also expected to not be less than perfect.

Words can hurt and I cannot wait until the day people realize that.

What do you do?

What do you do when theres nothing left to do?

What do you do when everything is falling apart right before your eyes, and theres absolutely no action you can do to prevent it?

Life hurt so bad. Day after day, bad news after bad news, tear after tear- when will everything begin to start going up again? Or will it continue to spiral down until I can no longer bear it?

I'm just a little girl trying to find her place in this world, and everything just seems to want to be going against me.

What do you do?

My Birthday Photo shoot

I found my dress a couple days ago and tomorrow I get it fitted to my body. I'm pretty excited for this photo shoot.

Mom and I will probably be going up state to get my pictures taken- so I'll be taking a couple days off of school and I'm really excited for that.

I need about 4 outfits: one gown, one beach dress outfit, one garden outfit and one railroad track outfit. So far I have the first two.

This Sucks

These past days have been better. I haven't cried about him in a long time.

Probably because I haven't been seeing him or her.

But I continue to miss him. He's so fucking poisonous and addicting.

 I don't know what to do... Why do I need him so much?

It Hurts

It hurts. It still hurts. It gets worse day by day- the crying, the pure sadness, the jealousy and the hate.

I feel a little relief when I'm with someone else or not alone. However, sometimes just being with someone isn't enough. I have to speak to them. It hurts more when I'm not distracted.

My brothers should never have to go through this.

They should never let their walls down like I did. They should never get comfortable with anyone. They should never trust people- because as soon as they begin to feel for someone they will just end up like me. Broken, sad, alone and angry.

Why hasn't the pain subsided yet? Why is it that life gets harder and harder when it should be getting easier and easier? I don't want to be anywhere near him anymore. I don't want to see him because doing so is apparently resulting in me feeling like shit.

I'm so tired. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. Just incredibly exhausted.

So far, every night I lie awake and think about him. Sometimes I pretend like we're still together. Like we've been going strong for months and that everything was okay. Other times I think back and question myself. If I had done things differently, would we still be together?

I do not want to feel this way anymore.

I Miss Him

I miss him. 

Watching him with her slowly kills me, but he doesn’t seem to notice- or perhaps he doesn’t care. Maybe that’s what he wants. 

But I miss him. I want him and only him.

He did me wrong in so many ways and while I can take note of the fact and recognize that he made many mistakes, I blame them all on me; as if I were the cause for them all. As if I were the flaw in the relationship and as if I were different I wouldn’t be hurting. 

Waking up with red puffy eyes and a tight dry throat really sucks.

Why did he have to leave me? Why did he have to treat me the way he did? Why did he have to hurt me? Why did he love her more? Why am I not good enough for him? I hate this. I hate him. I hate me. 

But I miss him. 

Right after things ended I thought I would be okay. I thought that it wouldn’t effect me and that I had already moved on- but I was, once again, mistaken. Every day that goes by I get more and more upset about losing him. I want him. 

I want him to hold me and to kiss me like he used to before he realized that I wasn’t enough for him. I want him to be mine the same way I am always have been his; whether he wants me to be or not. 

I crave his touch. Seeing them together overwhelms me with jealousy. 

Why doesn’t he feel the same way as me? This is so unfair. I want him to want me with the same intensity that I want him. 

I just miss him so, so much- and I don’t know how much longer I can go with feeling this way. It hurts too much. I’m becoming exhausted and I’m close to giving up. It wears me down. He’s slowly killing me and he doesn’t realize it.

I hope my brothers never feel this. I hope that they never feel the same agony as me. I hope they never lie awake during ungodly hours of the night and contemplate whether they should continue to keep trying or not. I hope they realize that they can always find the hope in something or someone- I hope that they can find their saving grace the same way I wish I could. 

Nobody knows that I feel this way. They would all just pity me. They’d watch me suffer and wish that they could do something about it, but no one can besides him. My saving grace happens to be the very reason I’m writing. This is unfair.

I miss him.

What scares me is that if one day he decided to want me back, I wouldn’t hesitate to comply. I can’t take him back if I want what’s best for me. How long will it take for me to be better again? To be over him? To see him as someone who I used to love? I am exhausted. If I took him back he’d break my heart once more. He might even shred it into smaller slivers. 

Through everything he’s done to me, and everything he’s inflicted on me, I can’t help but wonder:

Why do I miss him?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiQIc7fG9pA#t=62

Animals

To anyone who takes it upon themselves to read,

What's the difference between murder across species and murder within a specie? What's the difference between humans killing animals and humans killing humans? Humans are meant to be humane, but in all honesty thats the least truthful adjective some of us dare to label our kind. We are disgusting. We are hurtful. We damage beyond repair and we can't find ourselves putting an end to our rapid destruction. We are killers. We emit all our negative emotions on innocent creatures who want nothing but to survive in a world where we make surviving for them seem impossible. Our grandchildren will never know what some animals look like, and nobody finds themselves caring enough to take action. People like to say they love animals, and that they hate the cruelty they're going through but if that was really true, tell me what they did. What did they do to change the suffering they're going through? What did they do to prevent the imbalance among nature that is quickly becoming us? In a world where actions speak louder than words, why even insult yourself enough to say you care for them when you put no effort into helping them?







I can only wish these pictures were only the worst of what's out there. This is us. This is our race. Are you ready for the extinction of hundreds of species before true action is taken? Or are we going to wait even longer and eventually be the reason for our own extinction?

Graduation and Leaving Home

Hello future me.

Graduation is coming up very soon, and I am confused. I am leaving the school I've been in for 11 years of my life. I feel a mixture of emotions, and I don't know what to do with them. 

I am feeling excited for whats to come and to see new faces. 

I am feeling sad for the people and relationships I am leaving.

I am feeling a sense of 'senoritis', as I am a senior and right now I feel like I have the whole world in my hands.

But most of all, I am feeling a longing for time to reverse and take me back to when I was 3 years old and never knowing that my little school experience could ever end. For the faces I'm seeing to be new and refreshing, not old and as if I'm a hamster on a wheel; constantly experiencing the same things daily, weekly, and yearly. 

I am going to miss my little home. I am going to miss its small number of staff who are like parents to me. I am going to miss the small campus that only allows me to attend 3 classrooms every day. I am going to miss my 14 brothers and sisters. I am going to miss its 'ghetto fabulous' ways of doing things, and I am going to miss knowing everyone and everyone's entire family. I am going to miss Mrs. Cindy, Mrs. G, Mr. F, and Mr. C. They have all played important roles in my life, and they are truly good people.

Remember your little school, future me. Remember their loving arms and advice. 

Alyssa, Amani, and Gigi-

Chances are, you'll never read this. And even lower chances are you'll know its me. But thank you for giving me the example of TRUE family and everlasting bond. Different places cannot separate us and we are forever woven into each others pasts and hopefully will forever be growing together as sisters in each other's futures. I dream to show my grandchildren to you, and to call each of you on our futuristic devices, explaining whatever crazy event happened that day. I love you and cherish you with all my heart.

 Hasta la vista, but never good bye. 

Looking up

Hello future me! 

Recently, I told you about how I got into a new school, and how my mother and I's relationship is rocky. Keep that in mind whilst reading the rest of this post. 

This morning I had my placement test for the new school I'm going to. I had to wake up a lot earlier than I usually do, and silly me forgot to set the alarm clock. My mom had to wake me up in the morning for me to get ready for the test. The morning was like usual. Awkward and tense, but I survived it. When I was walk about to walk into class to take the exam my mother stopped me. When I turned around she leaned in to hug me. She told me she loved me, and with that I left into the big building. 

I finished my test and was told to meet up at the gym parking lot to find our parents. I found my mom, and we walked to the car. They had passed out some gifts, and I showed her what I got. The awkwardness was still there, but I could feel it lessening. We got to the car, and she randomly reached back to the back seats. She pulled up a bag filled with stuff in it. At the top was just a couple informational papers about the school's athletics. I looked deeper into the bag to find a crap load of T-shirts and bows she bought me with the school colors and name. I thanked her for all the stuff she got me. We spoke some more about other dates we had to come back to the school, and the awkwardness had practically vanished.

I am feeling a whole lot better about everything that has happened, and I am thankful that we have moved past this. I am a very hot headed person, and hopefully one day I can move past that too.

Out With The Old And In With The New

Hello future me! 

I'm going to be updating you on a little thing thats been consuming my life in it's entirety.

Danny and I had our first real fight. 

I don't exactly want to share what it was about, or the things we told each other, but lets just say he disrespected me horribly. 

I was so angry and upset towards him that my palms and my face began to sweat. My hands shook so much that I could hardly control them. 

My crush for him has completely vanished. (It wasn't really a crush to begin with, I just thought he was very handsome.)

I have no romantic interest in him whatsoever, but over the weeks I have been developing one for someone in real life. 

His name is Alex. He is just a year older than me, has a deep voice, he is tall, sarcastic, funny, and has the same interests I do. 

He seems like the perfect guy for me, and not only is Squitchy trying to get me together with him, but so is his sister.

I really like this guy, and I'm dying to get to know him better. 

Whenever I think about him I get butterflies in my stomach, and I have been growing such a longing to see him during the week, because we can only see each other fridays.

He says stuff when he's texting like, "Lmao" and just typing that made my stomach flutter. 

Conflict

Hello future me!

Cami and I decided to mess around with Sam and Danny, and we told them we would block them forever and never speak to them again. In reality Cami and I both had to log off for a a couple of hours, and we would tell them it was a joke when we got back.

We did as we told each other we would, and played the prank on the boys, except things didn't exactly go as planned for me.

When I got back Cami told me how they had been spamming and asking her for forgiveness the whole time she was playing the prank. I went to check if they had done the same for me, and realized that I had no messages from them about anything- besides 3 messages from Sam that were actually meant for Cami.

And then I started to wonder, do they care for her more than me? What am I doing wrong? What do I change about myself to make them care for me? Should I show them my face? Would that make them like me?

I thought all these questions, things I should do to MYSELF, as if I am the issue in this situation.

But then again, she has shown her face, and given more to them than I ever have.

I'm super confused on what I should do, and I am having a lot of conflict on which way is the right way.

My options put into short words:

Show them my face and feel like I have no respect for myself, but at the same time giving them something they have wanted forever, (And have gotten from Cami)

or,

Recognizing that they should love me besides any decision I make, and support me through it without a doubt. 

To Defend Or Not To Defend

Hello future me!

Today I'm going to write another journal/diary type post.

In the begging of this school year, two new kids, both a girl and a boy, joined my school.

The girl- who for the sake of anonymity I will call Squitchy- became my best friend really quickly. We had so much in common, and we loved/love talking to each other.

The boy, who's name is Joey, was a total jerk. He insulted anyone and everyone- especially my Squitchy. 

He spreads rumors about her, gets his friends to talk bad about her to her face, and calls/texts her the most horrid names.

She told me that it's really been bothering her, but every time I mention telling an adult, she puts it off and convinces me not to... And this is where you guys come into play.

I want you to give me some advice. I am struggling to decide whether to just listen to what she's saying and not tell anyone, or tell an adult, and go against what she wants- even if it will get her mad at me.

I have considered telling Joey and his pathetic friends to screw off, but just because I don't want hate on her, doesn't mean I want it on me either. Believe me- Joey is a real handful. Glaring, gossip, rumors and ect. I don't want me telling him to screw off to make it worse for her.

Please leave a comment down below with your advice... I can really use it in this tricky situation I'm in.

Q & A- Selenator's View

Hello future me! 

Just a warning before I start the post, but today's a different one.

For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, I'll go into deeper detail for you.

I was nominated by a lovely blogger here to answer some questions for I assume you relators! I hope you guys enjoy reading these, and get to know a little bit more about me. 

Thank you to Selenator'sView for these great questions! I had a lot of fun answering them.

Now onto the Q&A:

1. What was your favorite film of 2014?

A- I actually am not a big fan of movies, and I don't watch many. Although if I had to pick the answer would be Divergent or The Giver- for sure! 

2. Who is your favorite actress?

A- Same issue with the whole disliking movies scenario. Don't have one! 

3. Do you belong to a fandom?

A- Totally part of the Divergent fandom! I'm in love with the series. 

4. Who is your favourite Disney character?

A- Ariel or Belle. Ariel because she's independent and knows what she wants, and Belle because she loves books and has a very strong character. 

5. Do you have any pets?

A- Yup! 5 of them! 

6. Book or Film?

A- Books, duh. 

7. On Demand or DVD?

A- On demand! DVD's always get all scratched up and require maintenance. 

8. Do you have Twitter?

A- Yes I do! Here's my link: https://twitter.com/Girlonline34 I post quite frequently. Follow me! 

9. Where is your ideal holiday destination?

A- I don't know really. I'm terrified of airplanes and get major anxiety when I just think about them... *Shiver*

10. How long have you been blogging?

A- Less then a month, but I'm really enjoying this so far. I plan on doing this for a really long time. 

11. What was your favourite blog post to write?

A- A diary type one where I can just write things that happened to me, and how I feel about certain people. (Ex: My blog post called 'Bullies.')

Answer some of these on your own down below! I really enjoy hearing from you and reading your replies. 

Insecurities

"My nose is too big. I wish it was smaller."

"My eyebrows are too sparse. I wish they were fuller."

"My lips are too thin. I wish they were plump."

"My eyes are too almond shaped. I wish they would tone it down a bit."

"My eyelashes are not long enough. I wish they were longer."

"My ears poke out too much. I wish they turned in more."

"My face is too long. I wish it was shorter."

"My shoulders are too broad for a girl. I wish they were more feminine."

"My arms are fat. I wish they were skinnier."

"My torso is too curvy. I wish I could straighten it."

"My hips are too wide. I wish they wouldn't be so big."

"My thighs are too big. I wish they were smaller."

"I could afford to loose weight. I wish I was skinny."

"My calves have such dry skin. I wish they were moisturized and smooth."

"My feet are too long and too wide. I wish they were a normal size."

These are some of the things I have to go through and think of daily.

"I'm never good enough.", I tell myself. 

•      •      •

Society wants you to be perfect. 

They want you to have flawless skin, perfectly long hair, the perfect amount of curves, and to be completely feminine. (If you're a girl, that is.)

Simply perfect.

I'm not going to tell you to screw what society thinks, because not only would I be a hypocrite, but it's hard to do. Nearly impossible. 

Although, I will tell you not to be your worst bully.

Do not make the same mistakes as me, and constantly put yourself down because you do not feel like you are "enough."

You are beautiful. 

Some one out there loves you to death, and that alone is enough.

You are worth so much to the world, and you are like a drop of water in an ocean. Without you, the ocean would not seem to have a big affect in it's outer appearance, but the ocean is not the same, and can never be the same.

Can never be as full and plentiful- or completely complete.  

Stay strong, my gorgeous relator- or whoever decides to read this- You are important. 

Online Diary: Cami, Sam and... an extra someone?!

Hello future me!

This blog post is going to be focused on a couple of topics, but the main one being Cami and Sam.

I'm super excited to announce that I have spoken to them again, and it's as if our friendship was never on hold! As if those months meant NOTHING.

They welcomed me back into their lives quite quickly, and its refreshing to see how much they've grown and matured over my long break.

I left Cami a message on her social media wall telling her I missed her, and surprisingly she replied really quickly!

She told me how much she dreaded my absence and couldn't wait for Sam to see me.

 Although I missed Sam a ton, I was almost too embarrassed to see him again. I felt he wouldn't accept me as quickly as Cami had, and that I would have to work for his trust again.

Sadly, I was right. He didn't accept me as quickly, but around day 2 of forcefully applying myself into his life, he agreed he'd wanted me to stay.

And here is where it gets exciting- they brought a new 'someone' into the equation. This someone is a boy whom knows Sam in real life.His name is Danny. He's shy and cute and blushes- I absolutely love him!

I've been forming a slight teeny weeenyyyy crush on Danny... But if you know me in real life, you know how much I hate getting crushes on people. It ALWAYS ends horribly for me.

But anyway, back to Danny.

Cami knows about my liking to Danny, and she does everything she can to make me feel awkward. (In a joking way, of course!) For example, let me quote you a conversation that happened just yesterday. (Btw, Sam does tease me as well - he just doesn't know about my lil crush.)

WARNING: DIRTY CONTENT AHEAD. BEWARE.
MAIN GROUP CHAT:

(Currently Sam is on google earth showing us random places around the world that he's been too.)

Sam: Hey look Danny, thats the same size as your D!
Me: OMG Sam stop
Cami: {My name} would know that. ;)
Me: IM GAGGING
Cami: On his D. ;)

Yup. That's Cami and Sam for you. Poor Danny is blushing up a storm during this conversation.

Anyway, on to another topic I wanted to write about on here.

Some of you may be wondering where my new years resolution post is, and what kind of things I want to accomplish this year...

Honestly, I have none. I don't really come up with new years resolutions because if I find something I dislike about myself, I don't want to wait until the next new years just to say that I can officially start changing my ways.

Therefor, I simply do not have a new year resolutions. But if you reallyyy want me to write some down for you, I'll do it. Here they are:

-Eat healthier
-Exercise more
-Spend less time on the internet
-Socialize more

Yup, pretty basic. I know.

Online Diary: Old Online Friends

(Update: I have already revealed their names, and instead of changing how I wrote this post I just want to tell you now that Dancer= Cami and Pro= Sam.)


Hello future me!

I'm going to write about something I've been dealing with and have been trying to sort out- but before I get started, I'd like to give you some back story on these people I'm going to be talking about.

I play/played a video game called MineCraft, and on that game I made these two VERY special friends. Lets call them Dancer(Girl) and Pro(Boy). All 3 of us formed a friendship that no one besides ourselves could break. We LOVED each other. We not only spoke on MineCraft, but we Skyped EVERY SINGLE DAY, and sometimes, we would do both at the same time! (Obliviously annoying anyone who wasn't in our Skype call!)

Long story short, things got rocky in our friendship, and then they were okay again. But then things got rocky again, and we resolved that too.

But then things got rocky... AGAIN... and I left them. They lied to me so many times, and I just couldn't take it anymore. So I did what I assume most people would do, and I left.

Here I am now wishing I hadn't left them. I've taken about a 4 month break and I want to become in contact with them again.

Although I SWORE to myself I'd never look at them or their username again, I'm sitting here in just complete regret.

I let the bad parts of our relationship get in the way of something that was complete bliss. When I say we loved each other, I really mean it. These two kids over the internet mean and meant so much to me and now that we've gone away, I want them to come back.

Dancer was just a couple months older than me and personality wise, she was like the baby of our friendship group. She was really silly and random and she brings joy WHERE EVER she goes.

Pro was the only boy we had in our alliance. He was british, as a matter of fact, and was one of a group triplets. (I'm talking about his ACTUAL real life siblings.) He brought the immature/inappropriate jokes into our lives, and boy, how I miss his dumb humor.

You might be wondering what my progress is so far on finding them. I'm currently playing on the same MineCraft servers we use to play on, and have re-added them on Skype.

I have not spoken to them at least a little bit, but I have left little messages to them here and there.

Other people I know over MC have told me that they saw them just last week, and I'm super excited to see if I can log in at the right time and see them.

Have you guys ever had a close friendship over the internet? Do you have any suggestions for me on getting back with them? Am I even doing the right thing looking for them?

Books

Hello future me!

Todays post is on books.

I absolutely love books and have a MAJOR collection of them. As soon as I learned how to read, I never wanted to stop. I have spent countless nights awake until 4:00 am because I simply could not put my book down!

Some of my favorite kinds of book genres are: dystopian novels,  fan fictions, horror, romance, action and humor. But strangely enough, I very strongly dislike vampires and werewolves... Please tell me I'm not the only one!

Anyway- I put together a list of all the books I've recently read... (As in the ones I've read this year.)  However, these are in no any particular order. Here we go!:

-Freak the mighty by: Rodman Philbrick
-The cupcake queen by: Heather Hepler
-Divergent by: Veronica Roth
-Insurgent by: Veronica Roth
-Matched by: Ally Condie
-Crossed by: Ally Condie
-Reached by: Ally Condie
-Alex Rider: Storm Breaker by: Anthony Horowitz
-Alex Rider: Point Blank by: Anthony Horowitz
-Alex Rider: Skeleton Key by: Anthony Horowitz
-Alex Rider: Eagle Strike by:Anthony Horowitz
-Alex Rider: Scorpia by:Anthony Horowitz
-Alex Rider: Ark Angel by:Anthony Horowitz
-Alex Rider: Snake Head by:Anthony Horowitz
-Alex Rider: Crocodile Tears by:Anthony Horowitz
-Alex Rider: Scorpia Rising by:Anthony Horowitz
-The Giver by: Lois Lowry
-Hoot by: Carl Hiaasen
-Girl Online by: Zoe Sugg
-Uglies by: Scott Westerfeld
-After by: Anna Todd
-After 2 by: Anna Todd
-After 3 by: Anna Todd
- (Lets just say MANYYYY WattPad books, actually!)
-The Boy In the Striped Pajamas by: John Boyne

What is your favorite book? Which book have you read that you are most proud of? Have you written any books? Would you write any?

Online Diary: Bullies

Hello future me!

As you can tell, today's blog post is on bullies/bullying. 

Back in december of last year, me and this kid- Who's name I will not share... (Let's call him Chance, because out of all the kids I decided to mess with, I chose him.)- dated... or what ever you would call dating when it came to us and the school we were in. 

We didn't really speak like a normal couple would and it was just a bad relationship. (PS, sadly he was my FIRST boyfriend).  But then again, I go to a private school, and dating is against the rules. No, scratch that, touching people is against the rules! 

Anyway- so we dated and things ended really horribly, but as I've stated before, it was a bad relationship so I wasn't even upset.

Time went by and 'Chance' decided to get a little ruder to me.

I'm a very sassy and outspoken person, and if you give me a snarky comment or make fun of me, believe it or not, you'll receive one just as bad, and if not, worse. 

So things got a little heated between us- just kidding... VERY HEATED. 

He made sure every single day that I was made fun of, and my so called friends decided to go along with it.

He told me I was like his mother because I was bossy.

He also told my friends on a day I was out sick that I would never get a boyfriend because I was boring and my 'friends' totally laughed along with him!

The only reason I found out about that was because my closest friend till this day was eaves dropping and told me. Lets call her.... Bold, because just like me, she's super sassy! We grew up together (I've known her since Pre K) and our mothers are sisters by heart, just like we are. 

Anyway- back to Chance. He bullied me to the point that I didn't even stand up for myself anymore. 

He completely shattered my self esteem, Which I'm still trying to repair, and even affected the way I spoke to my FAMILY.

The very people I know will love me until I die!- The very people I'd kill myself for!

I used to be really spunky and silly around them, but now I'm wayyy too shy and quiet that I almost seem depressed- Which I am not. 

I use to cry myself to sleep quite often, and although I've been able to grow past that stage, I still don't have that silly confidence I use to have. 

I've tried everything I could to gain it back and nothing seems to work.

I try coming to level that I'm changed and I probably won't go back to the way I was before, but that still doesn't help.

I'm sick and tired of living this life and I so desperately NEED change! 

I'm tired of doing it on my own, and now that I've started a blog, I want you guys to help me out.

Leave some suggestions down below and I'll take all of them under consideration. 

Have you guys ever experienced bullying? Whether it happened to you, or to someone you know?

Where it begins

Hello everyone.

I am Annika Analytical, or GirlOnline. Whichever you like.

"Why the strange display names?" you might ask. Well, I want you guys to know me as that 'girl online' who is super relatable. I want to separate my real life and my online life. As for the explanation behind Annika Analytical, Annika is not my real name. I use it to remain in disguise, and I added 'Analytical' because not only does it sound catchy, but it describes me. I get awards at school for over thinking just about EVERYTHING.

You might recognize one of my display names (GirlOnline)- from Zoe Sugg's book. Yes, I did 'copy' her title, but that's only because that book is exactly what I'm going for. (Maybe without the whole recognition and publicity, though.) I want this blog to be, as Pen said, our little corner of the internet. Here, I want complete honesty.

I am a teenage girl who just wants to write and keep this blog as a documentary of all the things I'm facing right now.

I won't tell you much about my physical self, but I'll keep my emotional self unlimited to you.

Not saying I wont post pictures of maybe my whole body but my face, or maybe just my eyes or just my mouth, but I wont post a picture of my whole self all in one, to make it harder for anyone I know in real life to find me.

I started this blog because writing in a diary seems quite silly, really. My diary won't be able to reply to me and my hands always hurt after writing for too long. (Although if you DO enjoy writing in diaries, props to you!)

I enjoy long bike rides up and down the street. I like seeing new roads and its nice to hear the birds whistle at each other.

Speaking of animals, I have quite a large amount of pets. I won't be listing their names just in case someone from my school recognizes it, as I do ramble on about how much I adore my pets to them in real life.

My pets are very intimidating to people who don't know them like I do. They are quite large and tough looking animals, although anyone who sees them ends up taking a picture of them before they leave.

Now enough about myself, and more about what will be in this blog.

Here I will post what its like being me, and random experiences I go through.

I will rant about some of the horrible things us teenage girls are forced into by the "Have-A-Hard-Teenage-Life" gods.

And at the end of every blog post I will ask you guys a few questions relating to the topic.

Stay tuned, you all. Its going to be a long ride!